The Arcane Circle

ar‧cane [ahr-keyn] – adjective - known or understood by very few.

Monday, December 25, 2006

I like to pretend.

Not a day goes by that i do not day dream about something better. Or something different. Anything to make me forget who i am just for a little while. And it is not like i am a bad person. I know know i am not. It is just that i am not who i want to be or where i want to be.

I sat in the airport today watching people like i always do just about anywhere i go. I saw this curious looking family sitting to together. They where some form of Amish or maybe Mormon. I'm not sure really but now that I think about it, it does not really matter what they are. Everyone was dressed very conservatively, the men with blue jeans and plain looking shirts. The old of the two sporting a well groomed beard. And the women. There where four of them. One who looked to be the mother. Two daughters probably teenagers or at least not all that far past their teen years. And little girl who could not have been much over 10. All four wore plain dresses with a checkered pattern of various muted colors hanging to just below there knees and covering all the way up to the collier bone. The shoulders seemed to be just short of having an insert to make them look more pronounced. And everyone apart from the youngest wore some sort of cover on their heads. It was black and looked to be attached with bobby pins. The hats covered only the back part of each womans head. Now this next part will make no sense seeing as i am not part of their culture and i should not be used to it at all. The mother, the older looking of the sisters, and the youngest daughter looked completely normal to me. Not spoke to me nor made me look again. The middle sister however struck a completely differently chord in me. I could not tell you what it was ether. She just came out in my mind and told me to look at her. Something wanted me to pay attention to the girl. She was very pretty despite her plain garb. But not anymore so then the rest of the family. So there i sat indulging myself on a piece of fat produced in some weird lab buried somewhere in the bowels of the McDonald's corporate headquarters and wondering why this muse was taunting me. I was suddenly interrupted by a rude voice of the intercom telling me it was time for general boarding of the airplane. I grabbed my bag and marched to the gate to find my seat. Seat 13-e. The middle one with some odd combination of a punk piercing icon and a gay frat boy to my left at th isle and and empty window seat on my right. After a brief dance to gain access i took my middle seat and locked myself self into the seat belt. In hind sight i never do that. In the past when ever I am seated somewhere other the the window i wait till the door is shut to lock myself down because of the annoyance it is to reshuffle when the miraculous window seated person suddenly appears. But i digress that that has nothing to do with my story. Well kind of but never mind i will continue. Just as the plane was begging to look fully seated and my mind was contemplating my move to the window seat the family i spoke of earlier entered the scene stage left. Each one in unison walked past my row. The two men. Then the mother. Next the oldest and youngest daughter. And lastly the middle muse who and entered my mind will i was feasting on crap cooked in oil. But wait. She stopped. Not only did she stop, but she stopped at my row and eyed the lonely window seat. After a brief glance to her family, which i am sure that i am the only person on board who noticed, she politely asked if she could take her seat next to the window. So the gay frat boy piercer and myself vacated our seat to allow her passage. My sat down, calmly buckled herself in and started to read what i thought was a bible of some sort. We then retook our seats and the flight attendants ran threw the motions of preparing for take off. A short time after the plane began to take off i started to fall into that state of mind just before sleep where somehow you start to dream but you can still see the world around you. And I did dream. MY mind made this wonderful little story of this muse and myself getting married and growing old together. I remember feeling so happy. I was looking forward to the problems our differing beliefs would cause because it would be so much fun getting to know each other. Then my head started to fall and i was pulled from the fantasy and back to real life. I looked shyly toward this girl saw the book she was reading was not the bible after all and was instead something called 'To marry a stranger'. My heart stopped and I immediately distracted myself with my own book about god being put on trial for his horrible creations. We did not speak at all during the flight. The closest thing we had at all to real contacted was when i turned my head to look out the window i saw instead he head turning quickly away. It was probably nothing, but my tortured head made it everything. but as i said above almost as soon as it began the journey was over and not a single word was uttered. I had no clue what i could have said to this girl. No matter it probably could have never gone anywhere. I also do not think that was the point of our encounter. It was something else. Something hiding somewhere deep in my mind was trying to wake up and tell me something. What was it trying to tell me? I have no idea. But I will say this. I will never forget you my pretty little muse.

-The Arcane Circle.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Like a book.

You can read me like a book. I'm not that dumb. Why do i delude myself and why do you let me?

-The Arcane Circle

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Shame.

shame.
"The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame." Oscar Wilde - The Picture Of Dorian Grey

I'v been repating that in my head all day long. It reminds me of work. These people hate it so much when I show them how stupid they are being. So I get fussed at and smile in there faces. *shrugs*

-The Arcane Circle.

I wonder what if i could have tried harder at something in my life? And how it would have worked out if I had.


No one read these things. I'm such a ghost.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Clichés

Clichés are life. And what clichés am I? Every day it is a new one I can write forever. One moment I am the smart nerd who is so quiet no one notices he is even there. The next I am chaos. Ever changing. A dynamic example of why it is a bad idea to underestimate people. Everyone is two face and has multiple personalities. Some are just more prominent then others. Tonight I went to a strip club for the fiirst time in I need music! in about three years. Strip clubs are a black hole for money that send you home beging for more pain. I need pussy but I will go jerk off instead. God this is raw. They must hear it.. Scared to take that step. I said said everyone is two faced. I did not preclude myself when i said that. I hope i never sleep and write till I am dead. I am more than you see. More than I let you see? I will let you know who I am the instant I deside who I am. I am afraid I am no one. Something that cannot feel or somthing that cannot stop changing. Maybe this is life and I am to scared to commit. No body is exactly who they seem. I love to let people underestimate me. There is something here. There is a purpose to this rant...The drink that brings me freedom lets me drown in uncertainty. Damm this freedom if i cannot keep it.


-The Arcane Circle

Monday, October 02, 2006

Grainy.

it is grainy, my vision I mean. I know there is something there I just can tell what it is. I can feel it. I can here its pulse. It haunts me and follows close behind in my shadows. This thing gets so close to me that I can smell it. Then it vanishes but its there. Behind me somewhere. Or maybe in front of me. They say the best place to hide is right out in the open. I'm searching you see. What for? I don't know. It seems I don't know anything these days. But there is something missing. It is like trying to sit in the passenger seat of a car you have been driving for years. Everything still works the way it should, but something does not feel right. So you think you have changed somehow? I cant tell if I have changed or if this is just some I failed to see all these years. Maybe it has always been like this and I have just been to scared to admit it. Do you feel scared? Don't we all? How am I to tell if this is normal or not. Am I scared of this new thing and should I be worried about it if I am? Maybe we all are scared of it yet only I am the guy who cant figure out what it is?

- The Arcane Circle

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Music is my muse.

I want to speak to you in music. A symphony of stories. Something different and beautiful.
Discover life and let it resonate.

Do not hear my words. Feel them. Close your eyes and be pushed into somthing new.

This place vibrates.

-The Arcane Circle

Friday, September 22, 2006

A begining.

The note I left had only three words on it. My already horrible hand writting was made worse by the speed at which I wrote them down. There was no time to write some long sort of goodbye essay. At least i felt there wasnt. I was done with this place and if i spent one minute longer here i would end up killing somebody.

Deus Ex Machina, the god machine. An inprobable solution used to escape from a difficult situation in a story. This story was my life and i had to do something to dig myself out of this hole.

-roguemind